I Disappeared... Now I'm Back (For Good I Hope)

I have a hard time sticking to things that haven't been turned into habits yet... blogging is one of those things. Not just that, but I feel like you have to be in the mood to write, and I haven't been in the longest time. Lame excuse, I know.. but now that I'm not in school anymore, my whole life has been turned upside down... more work (I'm still at a part time job..) and more time to think about where I went wrong and how to come back from it.

When I say "where I went wrong" I don't mean my life sucks and I live in a ditch.. I mean why am I not motivated anymore and how to remotivate myself. I've made a few posts on here describing my lack of imagination, but I think my lack of motivation might be connected to that. One has to be extremely motivated to get into a PhD program.. I know I want to get mine, I just don't think I have enough motivation to push me along. ]

Yeah, yeah, lazy is the first word that comes to mind, but it's so much more than that. It's fear of failure, fear of making the wrong decisions, fear of not being good enough, and fear of wasting time (woah, fear overload). Which is funny because that's what I feel like I'm doing right now. But in a way, I'm not. I'm still working towards my goal, just indirectly. I've applied to a few full time jobs that deal with children, which will put my psych skills to use. But, getting a job with just a psychology bachelors is difficult.. and I don't want to be stuck in an office filing paperwork.

So enough about my terrible lack of motivation... the reason why I'm starting to write posts again is mainly because I want ideas flowing in my head again. I have a whole list of topics to write about, and I hope to get through all of them eventually. I've started sketching again and hope to post some of those as well. I want to start writing poetry and short stories as well, but that takes motivation (there's that pesky word again..)

Nevertheless, winter is fast approaching and I love it! Of course, I'm sick at the first sign of cold weather, but that's ok winter, I forgive you. I've already made a mental Christmas list and I know what I'm getting/doing for my loved ones. I might post those ideas on here as well, although, there's always the risk that they might actually read this (hahaha, of course they won't..)

My poor nose, I'm gonna go blow my nose 800 times and drink gallons of tea now!