Interesting Find

I recently found an artist that I actually like while browsing the internet this morning. His name is Zdzislaw Beksinski and he is not alive anymore but that doesn't make his paintings any less intriguing. He painted, sketched, sculpted and dabbled in digital art. He lived in Poland when Communism was still around, making it hard to get any of his art out into the world. He was born in Sanok, Poland 1929-2005. To learn more about him visit his wikipedia for some general information, or his online gallery by Belvedere Gallery (WARNING: some of his pieces include nude paintings) to view his artwork.

Here are some examples:

http://www.beksinski.pl/przegladarka.php?name=117

http://www.beksinski.pl/przegladarka.php?name=174

http://www.beksinski.pl/przegladarka.php?name=122

My Thoughts:

His art is very dark, very nightmarish. I'm sure many artists have attempted this style but for some reason, I'm very drawn to his artwork. It's bizarre and completely surrealistic but it's that surrealism that makes it look almost possible. The first one I posted on here is my personal favorite, maybe because it reminds me of a particular dream I had last night. 

More of a nightmare... I was in the woods surrounded by a luscious green forest and I found myself in a clearing where the grass was really high. In the corner of my eye I saw a red hooded person who I thought was picking berries or something, but as I got closer I felt an unfamiliar energy, so I walked the other way only to find that the hooded person was following me now. I left the clearing and as I turned around I saw the person, except it wasn't a person, it was a mannequin like skeleton thing. I woke up before the dream could go any further, but it felt so real.

Maybe that's why I found this artist, somehow my nightmare brought me to him. The nightmare felt so real just like his paintings and drawings look so eerily real. I appreciate his work and definitely want to learn more about him. 

My nightmare could probably also be the product of watching the American Horror Story Asylum show on FX lately, but I like watching horror like shows/ movies so whatever. Side note about AHS, I saw the whole first season and I absolutely loved it, however.. I'm not too sure about my feelings on this second season. It's funny that I like this genre, because I get scared very easily and have tons of nightmares, but I can't look away. 

The same can be said for Beksinski's art, it's eerie, but I can't look away. I am intrigued and I will be for a while. (:

Ice Skating

Today, Ryan (my boyfriend) took me ice skating. It was a wonderful idea because we both love winter and Ryan's a hockey fan. (Go Blackhawks!) Last year we would go to an indoor ice rink almost every Saturday, but we've never actually experienced outdoor ice skating, so this was a blast. Usually in the indoor rinks it's super crowded and there's a bunch of little kids to look out for. With so many people, it's hard to just skate and have fun. You constantly have to watch out so you don't get run over and so you don't run over anyone. This outdoor rink was great, we were the only ones there for quite a while. Not to mention, the rink itself was pretty large. There weren't any of those annoying cones  telling you not to go in the middle or people telling you which way to skate. At one point Ryan and I were playing tag skating all over the rink! It was stress free and actually really fun.

It was definitely a different, colder, but better experience.

And then I slipped and wiped out flat on my butt. This would obviously happen to me, so now I'm laying in bed resting, but I got up and later ended up skating for a bit afterwords like nothing ever happened. I was a great sport!

    

Overall, it was a wonderful idea and I enjoyed skating in 20 degree weather with no one on the rink. It didn't feel that cold because we were skating the whole time. The sky was a wonderful pale blue and the sun was out which made the snow look even more breathtaking. I hope to do this again sometime, perhaps during the nighttime with hot chocolate (:

My Thoughts:

This definitely made my week a tiny bit better, we were laughing and smiling the whole time, so school was the last thing on my mind. I was able to have a nice time with my boyfriend and was able to unwind and have fun for once. It was definitely what I needed; it boosted my mood and my spirit. Plus, I got to be out in the snow! However, the snow was too flaky to be made into a snowman or snowballs. So, we didn't get to play in the snow like I would have liked to. It's a miracle it even snowed here... I'm glad I got to enjoy this wonderful weather at least once this winter. This was a day pleasantly enjoyed.

Ryan, you did good (:

Empty

During high school, I could speak eloquently, write beautifully and draw imaginatively. When I spoke or wrote to people, I spoke and wrote with rhythm and flawlessness, gentleness and care. Whoever would listen to me would get inspired or think twice about their next move. My drawings were wonderfully diverse and full of imagination - colorful, delightful and fun. 

Then college rolled around and I lost everything. 
Lost inspiration.
Lost language.
Lost words.
Lost thoughts.

My brain, empty.

Before, I'd be sitting on my mother's bed just staring out a window at a beautiful white landscape in the wintertime watching the soft flakes of snow floating to the ground and a million things would be flowing through my mind. Now, I just sit there. Staring blankly at the snow, wishing and hoping that my tired brain could come up with something to admire, something to appreciate.

My mind, empty.

I can't sit down and write lovely words describing how I feel. I can't even pick up a pencil and let it guide my hand on a blank piece of paper, letting my mind wander through its inmost depths. I have no inspiration or motivation, nothing to give me the tiniest push.

My soul, empty.

When I speak, it comes out in a clutter, so disorganized. I lack words, just can't remember. Can't get my thoughts out the right way. People misunderstand me now... if at all.
I have turned superficial.
 -Agunia
  

My Thoughts:

I wrote this in my journal and I really like it. I thought the more I write it, the more aware I will be of what I want from myself. I hope to re-become this person that I used to be, obviously with a twist because as we grow, we change. 

High school for me was three years ago and I've been through things that have changed how I view life, but what I wrote about is my foundation and without a foundation, one cannot feel like a whole person. These were the things I loved doing, they defined me: drawing, writing and helping people/giving people advice. 

Since I started college, I have lost the motivation to do anything because of exhaustion and a different focus, figuring out my life. But, one shouldn't have to give up the things that define them just because they have a different focus now. I am a college student but that doesn't define me; what I do and how I act should define me. Right now, all I do is homework and commute to school. These actions take up my life and I don't want them to BE my life. I want something more.

Most importantly, I certainly don't want to be the product of a typical college, a made-to-go perfect employee robot. I don't want to be superficial. I need to reverse this virus that has started to creep up on me and return to the emotion-full and whole person I used to be. Being in Chicago amongst thousands of people who can't even take a second to enjoy the beauty of life makes me realize how much I don't want to be rushing and trying to be on time and hurrying my whole life. 

We are each given one life and we must live it to it's fullest potential. I don't want to waste mine being a corporate robot.

I will regain myself. (:

Expectations

I'm very excited to start a blog. I have wanted to start one for a while now but I've just recently received the push I needed. I hope to share with everyone my thoughts, opinions and maybe a few tips and recommendations. I hope to grow as a person and improve certain skills that need improving and I think this is a perfect place with which to track that improvement (or lack thereof).

I do write and draw and I hope to share those pieces on this blog. I also hope this will serve as inspiration and a safe place for me to share my thoughts and feelings. I am also a college student, so I will be sharing experiences from my wonderful days of commuting (they aren't very wonderful so I'm hoping upon reflection I will have a better outlook on why I am doing what I'm doing).

Most of all, this will be a blog where I reflect on my life and try to improve myself (basically an attempt to enjoy life, I am 21, I might as well start some day). I hope that at least some of what I post will be interesting and sometimes entertaining. Enjoy (: