Stressed and Frustrated

I haven't been able to write in a while because I'm so busy with end of the school year projects and papers and I'm trying to apply for internships (with no luck...), so my brain is mush at the moment. It's hard to even sit down and watch T.V. or read a book, which I haven't done since winter break. 

I decided last night at 10 pm that cleaning my room was an amazing idea. So that's exactly what I did. I sorted through my clothes and decided which to give away and which to keep - this was a bit of a sad activity since I'm somewhat attached to my clothes ): I ended up with a huge pile of give-away clothes and now my closet and my room are sparkling clean.. except for my desk. But, that I'll clean when school's over. Too many piles of books and stacks of paper to even begin to worry about organizing.

I'm doing a research project for my research class and it's driving me insane. I made the mistake of choosing gender as one of my independent variables and since I'm doing an online survey, I have to find 20 males and 20 females to take my survey! Needless to say, this has been one of my biggest stressers (second to finding an internship). It's so hard to find people that are willing to take a 5 minute survey because everyone's so lazy or just plain rude. I think I sent out my survey link to about 200 people and I only got responses from 44... and most of them are female. Where are the males!? If you're reading this and would like to help me out, click here (:

Internships... oh, internships... the biggest contributor to my lack of sleep every night. I'm in a 2 year program at my university where during the second year (next year) we need to be working at an internship site in order to gain experience in our field and stuff like that. While I would love to do one in Chicago, I prefer to do one at home because it would make my life that much easier. I'm tired of riding the train and wasting four hours of my life on trains and walking. If I got an internship downtown, it would just be more wasted hours. With this in mind, I still applied to Chicago internships but like 20 at home. I cannot believe that every single place emailed me back denying me because I'm not in a master's program or they just ignored me and never got back. How is an undergrad supposed to get volunteer and internship experience in order to get into a masters or PhD program if no one wants their FREE help?! It just makes no sense to me. I hope I can find something soon because this is just too much stress.

I just want to help people. I didn't know college would discourage me so much. I thought the point of college was to learn and enhance your aspirations and make your dreams come true. The process of becoming a professional helper is ridiculous and I almost wish I took a different path - one that involved writing and art. I do still plan on getting published either with poetry, short stories or fiction (or all) and I will get my PhD. These are things that will happen.