Hectic

I thought during the summer I'd have so much time to myself to write posts, read books and just relax all the time but I was very wrong. This being my last year of college, summer has been full of things to do and opportunities to take advantage of. I got an internship which I started a couple weeks ago and I had a few babysitting jobs here and there. I also got offered a job at DSW, which is a shoe store, that I've been applying to on and off for a few years. These are very exciting events, just stressful and time consuming. So, I haven't had much time to myself, especially during these past few weeks.

My last first day of college starts September 11th and I'm excited and nervous at the same time. It will be my last year and I have piled up a bunch of stuff in my schedule. I am going to be a peer advisor in the psychology department and I accepted the Secretary position in the little peer advisor group, so that just more responsibilities. It should be exciting though and I feel like the fact that I'm going outside of my comfort zone is a good thing. I've always kept to myself and haven't really been very active in school club-wise or social-wise, so this should be good for me, not to mention it'll help make me look good on my resume (:

On another note, I am counting down the days until Fall starts... summer is kicking my butt. It is insanely hot and humid here, so the second those leaves start falling off the trees I will jump for joy and put on my favorite leggings and sweater and make myself the biggest and best cup of tea ever. I have a bunch of things planned for the Fall and I hope to actually get things done, like go to a corn maze and go pumpkin picking, things like that. Ryan and I are going to two Bears games this year, so far, so that should be exciting... hopefully they actually win. But again, I'm hoping the weather will be a bit more friendly. I can't wait until I get to wear my boots again.

There's a lot happening in my life now, so updates will be imminent. (:

I just wish I could get a few minutes of me time.. time to breathe. I am trying to slowly come back to my spirituality, but it's really hard when there's no time for it. I am attempting to learn to meditate, so we'll see how that goes. I guess meditation is good for stress and heart health, and those are definitely things I need to fix.. Also, working out is something I just can't figure out how to fit into my schedule... or eating right. I'm kinda just focused on school and work at the moment... and ugh, school hasn't even started yet. Maybe, when it does I'll be able to find some sort of balance between everything.

I've been watching Teen Mom 3 on MTV lately and I cannot figure out how those poor girls are keeping it together.. I don't have a child, and I can't imagine how hard life would be when you have to take care of another human being who is so helpless and dependent on you. I babysit, but that's nothing like having a child of your own and those 16-18 year old girls are doing it almost all on their own. I feel bad for them but I guess you get what you ask for, they decided to take risks of sorts and had to accept the consequences, it's just too bad those consequences are so life changing. Especially when they still have school and work to attend to, it just blows my mind how young mothers or even single mothers do it all while keeping a sense of sanity still. I think every mother deserves a medal or something...

But anyway, life is hard, blah blah blah.. hopefully mine will become less hectic, or at least a bit more manageable soon.

I'm on Goodreads now!

To see my reviews on books I've read, books I want to read and books I'm currently reading, go here. It's my goodreads page! I have 250 books collectively in each of the categories above. I love reading so if you have any recommendations, let me know! I love reading new books that I wouldn't have picked out myself or books that have just been shoved aside by the public. Anything that sparks my interest is good (:

Book Club

I am thinking of starting a book club with one of my close friends.. not a huge, super organized book club that's all official or anything.. just a little two person (for now) book circle where we read books and talk about them. It was her idea and I went with it because I always loved talking about books that I've read in school, but I never talked or added to the conversation because I was so shy. Also, sometimes things fly right past my head and I can miss a huge event in a book without even knowing about it, so talking about it definitely helps me understand and fully appreciate the book.

With two friends reading books and talking about them, it should be fun. I just hope this can actually become a thing. I read online many book clubs have themes for the books they'd be reading but I don't really think ours will have a theme, I kind of just want to read everything and anything. I don't know if that's good or bad, but we'll see! If this starts off I'll post things about books we're gonna read and our conversations about them and if it doesn't... well, I'll be sad.

In other news, summer sucks. My flowers still haven't grown and I kind of wish I was going back to school. I had a job and that flopped horribly. Part time jobs make me want to scream. I am attempting to start to write a book... I'm just missing a subject. No big deal, right... I have all my materials just no motivation. My internship doesn't start until fall and I failed getting a job so summer is just a bummer now. I did draw a little but haven't finished what I'm working on yet. It's good practice I suppose.

I've been watching a lot of T.V. shows like the Bachellorette and Pretty Little Liars. Thank god there are summer shows I can get into, even though they are ridiculous, just guilty pleasures of mine. I can't wait until fall!! The Walking Dead and American Horror Story and even Once Upon A Time will be back on. Summer needs to end asap, and I know I will be kicking my self when it actually ends, but for the time being, it's too hot and boring. Enough complaining, I'll find stuff to do and I'll start my attempt at writing a book, oh yeah, and the book club. (:

Tea Drawing

Just a quick drawing of a teacup I drew on my iPad in my downtime. Nothing special (the proportions are a bit off but I'm too lazy at the moment to fix it). Procrastination breeds creativity. (:

Junior Year: Check

My junior year of college has finally come to an end. I would say it was as rough as last year because last year I was a transfer student and was new to the school, whereas this year I just took tough classes. I'm glad I did and I'm glad I'm done. Next year will certainly be an adventure because I will be interning at an occupational therapy place for children for the duration of my senior year. 

That is crazy to think of... I am a senior now. This is my last year of college, which raises the question of "Well... what next?" Truth is, I thought I had all this figured out but I don't. I wanted to go onto a PhD program right out of college but I've heard so many professors and advisors say that maybe waiting a year to catch your breath and make some money is better. So I might go that route, however, I will still apply just to see if I could get in.. if that makes sense.

So, it's summer now and I'll have tons of time to blog and do other things that I haven't been able to do during the year like draw, read, crochet/knit, do arts and crafts and write. I have to organize a lot of stuff because I'm an organizing freak and I obviously have to make a summer bucket list. So, I'll post that on here once I finish it.

I also started drawing again.. well, I guess started is an overstatement. I drew one thing on my iPad and I'm attempting to finish it at some point in the near future. So I'll also post that.. I do want to start drawing more because I miss it.

My junior year is over, that's another one checked off my list. My mom even got me a cake! A delicious strawberry cheesecake that honestly tastes better than anything I've ever tasted before, so be jealous. I also got cookies which my mother hid from me.. so my next mission: Find Hidden Cookies! (:

Stressed and Frustrated

I haven't been able to write in a while because I'm so busy with end of the school year projects and papers and I'm trying to apply for internships (with no luck...), so my brain is mush at the moment. It's hard to even sit down and watch T.V. or read a book, which I haven't done since winter break. 

I decided last night at 10 pm that cleaning my room was an amazing idea. So that's exactly what I did. I sorted through my clothes and decided which to give away and which to keep - this was a bit of a sad activity since I'm somewhat attached to my clothes ): I ended up with a huge pile of give-away clothes and now my closet and my room are sparkling clean.. except for my desk. But, that I'll clean when school's over. Too many piles of books and stacks of paper to even begin to worry about organizing.

I'm doing a research project for my research class and it's driving me insane. I made the mistake of choosing gender as one of my independent variables and since I'm doing an online survey, I have to find 20 males and 20 females to take my survey! Needless to say, this has been one of my biggest stressers (second to finding an internship). It's so hard to find people that are willing to take a 5 minute survey because everyone's so lazy or just plain rude. I think I sent out my survey link to about 200 people and I only got responses from 44... and most of them are female. Where are the males!? If you're reading this and would like to help me out, click here (:

Internships... oh, internships... the biggest contributor to my lack of sleep every night. I'm in a 2 year program at my university where during the second year (next year) we need to be working at an internship site in order to gain experience in our field and stuff like that. While I would love to do one in Chicago, I prefer to do one at home because it would make my life that much easier. I'm tired of riding the train and wasting four hours of my life on trains and walking. If I got an internship downtown, it would just be more wasted hours. With this in mind, I still applied to Chicago internships but like 20 at home. I cannot believe that every single place emailed me back denying me because I'm not in a master's program or they just ignored me and never got back. How is an undergrad supposed to get volunteer and internship experience in order to get into a masters or PhD program if no one wants their FREE help?! It just makes no sense to me. I hope I can find something soon because this is just too much stress.

I just want to help people. I didn't know college would discourage me so much. I thought the point of college was to learn and enhance your aspirations and make your dreams come true. The process of becoming a professional helper is ridiculous and I almost wish I took a different path - one that involved writing and art. I do still plan on getting published either with poetry, short stories or fiction (or all) and I will get my PhD. These are things that will happen.

Oh, Snow White..

So, a few days ago I posted about my obsession with elephants... Well, I have one more major obsession that should adressed: SNOW WHITE!

Oh, I'm a child at heart and Snow White has been my favorite princess since I first saw the Disney movie when I was like 5. Not to mention.. she was the first ever Disney Princess. Anyway, my mom and I would always walk or drive to the library (it was close enough to where we could walk) and we would rent movies and books galore. The two movies I would always beg my mom to rent were Snow White and The Little Mermaid but I don't like Ariel too much anymore (possibly because EVERYONE in this world does and she's just way too overrated). I loved how innocent and connected with nature and animals Snow White was and I knew I was like that so BAM I'm Snow White now.

So I can't communicate with animals and I don't have a talented childish singing voice... I just have a childish singing voice and I talk to animals but they run away from me. That's ok though, because I still love them. She's also the fairest of them all and well... I'm not that pretty but... I'm kidding. I don't have black hair or red lips but my skin is as pale as can be and my hair is platinum so that's like the opposite of black. I consider myself the modern version of Snow White.

My Snow White obsession has been continued by friends and the boyfriend and it's sped way out of control and now my room is Snow White-ified. However, I have yet to get a Snow White tea mug, other than that I have everything Snow White I could have ever wanted. I also have a book about Snow White and some twisted stories along with the Grimm's fairytales and some Disney books.

 The cupcake kit, shot glass and jewelry box were given to me by my best friend and the doll and Christmas stuff was given to be by Ryan. The rest I bought cuz I'm crazy.. along with the shirt below and a sweatshirt. I also have the VHS of Disney's Snow White and the Diamond Edition of Snow White on DVD and BluRay. I'm a Snow White dork..

 I'm currently wearing this shirt. I also have a sweatshirt from Forever 21

I haven't gotten to the original Snow White by the Grimm Brothers yet, so don't spoil it for me. I have seen most Snow White movies: Disney's Snow White, Snow White and the who cares because Kristen Stewart ruined it (you can obviously tell I'm not fond of this version, however, the graphics were pretty cool), this weird Snow White movie from the 80's. Ok, so this list isn't helping... but I've seen a lot of Snow White movies. OH! and Once Upon A Time, which is by far my favorite Snow White representation, partially because I love how everything goes together. I absolutely adore Ginnifer Goodwin and I think she's perfect (other than me, haha) for the role of Snow White. If you haven't seen this series, shame on you.

I love Snow White and it is yet another one of my obsessions. I'm slightly upset that not that much Snow White merchandise is out there because I guess Snow White is completely underrated. I mentioned before, princesses like Ariel, Cinderella, and the two new ones Rapunzel and the Brave girl are way overrated and that's all you see in stores. But nevertheless, the best princess ever is Snow White.

My point of this long post is that I am Snow White's #1 fan / I am secretly Snow White. (:

The Original Sims

Oh my goodness. The Sims. This post is in honor of the recent announcement that the Sims 4 will be coming out in 2014. For those that live under a rock and have no idea what The Sims are... it is a game where you get to create people and basically rule their lives and do fun stuff with them. I don't want to say it's like you're God.. but it kinda is. I choose to look at it a grown up Barbie game (sorry to the guys that play this). 

I started playing this game when I was like 10 or 11 years old (all the good things happened to me when I was 10 I guess) because it was introduced to me by a friend that I sadly don't talk to anymore. ): I remember going to the library to rent all the games and it was the saddest moment of my life when I had to return them. Eventually I got my own copies. I remember all the original games and I have them all. 

The original Sims is the worst quality and possibly the crappiest game I have ever played.. but it was the best thing ever and still is. It brings to mind simpler times and just happy thoughts in general. This all was brought back to mind when I was on Facebook today and there was a link to this site on my wall that I just had to click on. First of all.. the music! I loved and miss the music. The music was what made the Sims the Sims to me. It gave me that wonderful happy feeling that I don't get when playing the newer versions. I remember being so excited with each expansion pack that came out. Pets, vacation, makin' magic! I never really got to play the last one too much because they had announced the Sims 2 and obviously I wanted to play that asap.

I loved the Sims 2, mostly because the graphics were way better than that of the original game, which was miraculous. I would have to say The Sims 2 was my favorite version because when the Sims 3 came out, I hated the graphics. I hated what the people looked like especially compared to the Sims 2. I feel like I bought into the scam of the Sims 3 and I kind of hate myself for loving this game so much. Basically all of it was the same as the previous version with slightly better graphics and a lot more glitches and problems. I didn't even buy all the expansions because they were almost the exact same as in the Sims 2 and at that point I realized I was being dumb and wasting my money. Plus, at $40 a game it's kind of ridiculous. I'm a college student, not a millionaire. I liked it better when it was just Maxis... ANYWAY, I was hoping for EA to bring back the Sims charm that I spoke of earlier in the Sims 3 but... that didn't happen.

Which brings me to my next point... EA announced The Sims 4 but there are still 2 expansion packs coming out for the Sims 3 and honestly, I don't know what to do (I know, what a dilemma, right?) I'm probably going to buy the Sims 4 when it comes out because I love the Sims but ugh, I don't want to waste money. I really hope it'll be the best thing ever and they stop making more after this (which won't happen but whatever), unless they completely butcher it and kill the Sims franchise, then I'll feel better because I would have gotten to be a part of the good part of the Sims. Oh my, I rambling on. 

I get that a lot of work has been put into this whole franchise and I can appreciate that, however, I'm disappointed that the focus has changed from community to money. Why can't seasons and pets be put into the base game: money. Why can't there be good clothes and hair in the base game: money. It's all about money (because EA really needs more money..) When I saw how much store content cost I was stunned! $10 for two pairs of clothes and two new hairstyles? Haha, I thought it was a joke at first but then I realized they were serious... and people were actually buying into this stuff. That's where I drew the line. I wasn't about to pay $20 for a new world and two new items just to make my game slower and more glitchy. It also made me rethink the actual value of the games and expansions and I just realized it wasn't worth it. The last expansion I bought was Seasons (the Sims 3) and I really don't think I'll be buying anything until I evaluate the Sims 4.

The reason why I play it and love it so much is because it's an escape from real life. You get to live your life however you want. You can be a rockstar or a celebrity chef or a painter (my career path in every game I play) but it kinda defeats the purpose if you have to sell your soul in order to play the games. Oh, money, why must thou destroy me!
  
I don't have high hopes for The Sims 4, but we'll see. I do love the Sims and I loved what it used to be, however, it just keeps getting more and more expensive and more and more crappy/ not worth the money. I might as well just go back to playing the original!

Nature is Weird

 

So today in my poetry class, it was Emily Dickinson day! Basically we read a bunch of her poetry and I wanted to share one (not the one I memorized) that we talked about on here. It has no formal name as most of her poetry is untitled, but its informal title is "A Bird, came down the Walk" and it goes like this:

A Bird, came down the Walk -

He did not know I saw -

He bit an Angle Worm in halves

And ate the fellow, raw,

And then, he drank a Dew

From a convenient Grass -

And then hopped sidewise to the Wall

To let a Beetle pass -

He glanced with rapid eyes,

That hurried all abroad -

They looked like frightened Beads, I thought,

He stirred his Velvet Head. -

Like one in danger, Cautious,

I offered him a Crumb,

And he unrolled his feathers,

And rowed him softer Home -

Than Oars divide the Ocean,

Too silver for a seam,

Or Butterflies, off Banks of Noon,

Leap plashless, as they swim.

So In class we talked about how on this poem, Emily Dickinson is basically stating how weird nature is. The little bird she is watching devoured a worm but skipped over the beetle and let him pass - this is the weird selective nature of the bird. She offered the bird a bread crumb and it flew away, also drawing on human to animal connection and how there is none.

I bring up this poem because a similar thing happened to me today. I was sitting in the parking lot of the train station, in my car with the door open because it was hot. I parked near a grassy median area where a bunch of dandelions grew. These three little birds were pecking and playing in the flowers and it was so adorable. I didn't grab my phone like I normally would because I wanted the birds to stay instead of potentially scaring them off. I think they noticed me and two flew away but one dared to stay and kept pecking at those dandelions, occasionally looking at me. It was cute but this poem basically reminded me of this morning encounter. I wished I could be like Snow White and talk to the birds and stroke their little feathers but I know that would never happen.

Speaking of birds, the bird feeders I put up are half eaten, but I never see any birds there! It makes me sad but whatever, I hope they're enjoying it. And if the squirrels are eating it, I'd be very mad... Let's hope that's not the case.

Elephants

I think I have a tiny obsession with elephants..

They are so innocent and sublime. They are so beautiful and I hear they're super nice. The artwork I see containing elephants is wonderful and I wish I could get back into my art so I could contribute. I do feel, however, that the elephant, along with the owl, have become symbols for this hipster movement that has plagued the nation. I love elephants and I love owls but I certainly am not a hipster. I'm Agunia and I like elephants, that's all.

I think my love for elephants stems from the Polish tradition that an elephant is a good luck charm. The first time I went to Poland, alone at age 7, one of my relatives gave me this tiny brown porcelain elephant and told me to always keep it with me because it would bring me good luck. So I did and I don't know if it ever gave me good luck but I thought it was so adorable, I started collecting little figurines of porcelain elephants from Poland. I think I have like 6 in my room now. Now I just love elephants and think they're cute and wonderful.

I still carry that tiny brown porcelain elephant with me everywhere. I can't leave the house without it.

However, now, my mother tells me that elephants are symbolic of fertility and that because I have so many elephants I should throw them away because I'm gonna get pregnant. Okay mother...

I love my elephants, and they ain't goin' anywhere. I got to ride one once. Oh, it was wonderful. My parents had taken me to this circus museum in Wisconsin and they had an elephant riding station so obviously I had to ride it. I want to go back so bad but I went there 10 years ago and I don't know if this place still exists. I don't know of any other place that let's you ride elephants.

I even have a little handmade elephant ring that Ryan got me.

Little girls grow up loving horses (I hate horses, I don't know why) and I grew up loving elephants (:

By Kate Alizadeh