Nature is Weird

 

So today in my poetry class, it was Emily Dickinson day! Basically we read a bunch of her poetry and I wanted to share one (not the one I memorized) that we talked about on here. It has no formal name as most of her poetry is untitled, but its informal title is "A Bird, came down the Walk" and it goes like this:

A Bird, came down the Walk -

He did not know I saw -

He bit an Angle Worm in halves

And ate the fellow, raw,

And then, he drank a Dew

From a convenient Grass -

And then hopped sidewise to the Wall

To let a Beetle pass -

He glanced with rapid eyes,

That hurried all abroad -

They looked like frightened Beads, I thought,

He stirred his Velvet Head. -

Like one in danger, Cautious,

I offered him a Crumb,

And he unrolled his feathers,

And rowed him softer Home -

Than Oars divide the Ocean,

Too silver for a seam,

Or Butterflies, off Banks of Noon,

Leap plashless, as they swim.

So In class we talked about how on this poem, Emily Dickinson is basically stating how weird nature is. The little bird she is watching devoured a worm but skipped over the beetle and let him pass - this is the weird selective nature of the bird. She offered the bird a bread crumb and it flew away, also drawing on human to animal connection and how there is none.

I bring up this poem because a similar thing happened to me today. I was sitting in the parking lot of the train station, in my car with the door open because it was hot. I parked near a grassy median area where a bunch of dandelions grew. These three little birds were pecking and playing in the flowers and it was so adorable. I didn't grab my phone like I normally would because I wanted the birds to stay instead of potentially scaring them off. I think they noticed me and two flew away but one dared to stay and kept pecking at those dandelions, occasionally looking at me. It was cute but this poem basically reminded me of this morning encounter. I wished I could be like Snow White and talk to the birds and stroke their little feathers but I know that would never happen.

Speaking of birds, the bird feeders I put up are half eaten, but I never see any birds there! It makes me sad but whatever, I hope they're enjoying it. And if the squirrels are eating it, I'd be very mad... Let's hope that's not the case.

Elephants

I think I have a tiny obsession with elephants..

They are so innocent and sublime. They are so beautiful and I hear they're super nice. The artwork I see containing elephants is wonderful and I wish I could get back into my art so I could contribute. I do feel, however, that the elephant, along with the owl, have become symbols for this hipster movement that has plagued the nation. I love elephants and I love owls but I certainly am not a hipster. I'm Agunia and I like elephants, that's all.

I think my love for elephants stems from the Polish tradition that an elephant is a good luck charm. The first time I went to Poland, alone at age 7, one of my relatives gave me this tiny brown porcelain elephant and told me to always keep it with me because it would bring me good luck. So I did and I don't know if it ever gave me good luck but I thought it was so adorable, I started collecting little figurines of porcelain elephants from Poland. I think I have like 6 in my room now. Now I just love elephants and think they're cute and wonderful.

I still carry that tiny brown porcelain elephant with me everywhere. I can't leave the house without it.

However, now, my mother tells me that elephants are symbolic of fertility and that because I have so many elephants I should throw them away because I'm gonna get pregnant. Okay mother...

I love my elephants, and they ain't goin' anywhere. I got to ride one once. Oh, it was wonderful. My parents had taken me to this circus museum in Wisconsin and they had an elephant riding station so obviously I had to ride it. I want to go back so bad but I went there 10 years ago and I don't know if this place still exists. I don't know of any other place that let's you ride elephants.

I even have a little handmade elephant ring that Ryan got me.

Little girls grow up loving horses (I hate horses, I don't know why) and I grew up loving elephants (:

By Kate Alizadeh

Color Me Rad in Chicago

I just entered to run in Color Me Rad in Chicago July 20th!

I'm excited because I have wanted to do something like this since I first heard about it a couple months ago. I love the idea of coming out of this with splashes of color all over your body. I have also always wanted to run a marathon even though I was always afraid to register/ I knew I'd never be able to complete one. 

I'm not planning on running the whole thing... I don't even know if I plan to run at all. Since this is my first time and since I always hated running in elementary school, I want to take it easy. The people I'm going with, Ryan and a friend, want to run. So, awesome, I guess I'll be doing this alone! I still think it's a big step for me since I don't run, period. I'm not athletic and I don't pretend to be. I don't want to be athletic either, I just want to try something new and I know, or at least I've heard, that this event is really fun.

Plus, I'll get a free shirt out of it (:

I eventually want to do the marathons for people to run for cancer and other diseases because I feel like it would feel good to donate and run (or walk) for a good cause, not to mention it would be beneficial for whatever charity the event is for. I remember in high school everyone would do Relay For Life and I always wanted to do it but no one ever invited me to join their group. Oh well, now that I don't feel embarrassed to be alone (I am going with my boyfriend and friend so I won't be THAT alone), I'm going for this!

Plus, it'll be beneficial for my health and blah blah blah. Most of all, I'm going for the fun of it. The fact that I get to do something actually fun in the city instead of doing something boring and stressful like taking the trains and going to school is different and refreshing so I'm certainly excited for that.

I'd like to get more involved in stuff that goes on in the city but it's hard to when you commute and getting around is just so difficult and exhausting. Maybe I'll move there sometime soon..?

Side note: To participate in a color run like this near you go to the Color Me Rad website or Google search for any color run you'd like to participate in. It is expensive, but I'm hoping it's worth it!

Music is Empowering

Everyone has their own musical preference, something that takes them out of this world and into one of their own. For me that is edm, electronic dance music. It used to be called techno and I'm so used to calling it that but I guess that changed since I was younger... I started listening to edm when I was about 10, maybe a little older, but my cousins worked at bars and whenever I was at their house or in their cars they would have edm blasting and obviously, being European, I fell in love.

I got my first edm cd shortly after from a neighbor who was younger than I was, by Dj Markski, a local Dj in Chicago. Again, I fell in love and it was literally all I listened to. I loved it for how it made me feel. Obviously as a preteen I didn't know the culture surrounding edm and when I grew older I didn't care who listened to it and the stigma around the culture, I still loved it.

Long story short, I love edm and it makes me feel wonderful even when I'm at my worst. It got me through some tough stuff and unlike people who come and go, music is always there for you. I found solace in it and it empowered me. Even today I listen to some trance or house when I feel down and almost immediately I'm dancing around in my room with a smile from ear to ear. It's wonderful.

I definitely don't like the stigma around edm - the fact that apparently everyone has to be drunk and rolling when they go clubbing or go to festivals. Ha, not true. I certainly don't do that and never plan to. I like the MUSIC, not the people. I stress this because growing up, my parents never let me go to clubs or any events with my favorite Dj's for fear that I might grow up to be some drunk or druggie or something. I never got to be in my favorite environment, I never got to experience the one thing I loved and helped me get through my tough times. I could only sit back and watch my friends, who knew nothing about edm and made fun of me for listening to it before it got popular, go to these fun events and enjoy themselves doing whatever they did. I just wanted to go for the music.

I still love it and I'll always love it, even when I'm 60. It's what makes me me. If you're interested in edm, i suggest checking out Armin van Buuren (my love), Cosmic Gate, Dash Berlin, Avicii, Flux Pavillion, Nero, Krewella (I'm currently obsessed with them, and they're from Chicago!), Tiesto, Markus Schulz, Ferry Corsten (his and Armin's song Brute is amazing), Porter Robinson (also, a current obsession), oh the list goes on! Djmag.com is a great resource to check out new djs and who's popular. Also, Pandora or Spotify electronic, dance, or trance stations help a lot too. Oh, and if you're in the Chicago area, listen to Dance Factory! (: 

                     My dream is to go to EDC, Electric Daisy Festival, in Vegas. One day (:

Of course, explore and find what speaks to you. This is just my passion, and I certainly accept the fact that everyone has different tastes. One thing to keep in mind is never conform to what others are doing. Find you, not them.

Update on My Flowers

So, my mom killed my flowers....

Ryan's flowers are still in tact but mine are in the garbage. I planted new ones and a lot of them. Hopefully these will grow and not end up in the trash. I planted red Poppies instead of California Poppies (I couldn't find those), and I planted a bunch of wildflowers. I also bought bird food! So, hopefully lovely birds will visit my backyard. However, it's not very nice out today so I doubt any creatures will venture outside today or for the next few days for that matter.

Oh Spring...

Chicago weather sucks. Don't come here, you'll just end up really confused and with constant headaches from traffic, construction and the indecisive weather.

Other than that, have a wonderful day! (:

Memorizing Poetry

I am in a poetry class this quarter, which I may or may not have mentioned already, and one of our assignments was to memorize a poem. When I first heard about this assignment, I freaked out, to say the least. I am so awful at memorizing things and with memorizing a poem comes recitation... So, I had to memorize stuff and recite it in front of 20 some students and my professor. You can just imagine how excited I was about that...

I searched and searched online for something short and understandable (it had to be 14 lines minimum) and I remembered hearing a lot about Emily Dickinson so as a last ditch effort, I looked her up and found this poem that I ended up choosing to memorize:

There is another sky,

Ever serene and fair,

And there is another sunshine,

Though it be darkness there;

Never mind faded forests, Austin,

Never mind silent fields--

Here is a little forest,

Whose leaf is ever green;

Here is a brighter garden,

Where not a frost has been;

In its unfading flowers

I hear the bright bee hum:

Prithee, my brother,

Into my garden come!

Fun side note: It is three days after my recitation and I wrote this on here without looking at the poem (:

Now at first I just liked the poem because I like gardens and this poem referenced gardens so I thought.. Why not? Not only am I horrible at memorizing stuff, but I'm horrible at understanding poetry as well. I had a hard time understanding this one but through hours of searching the internet, I finally found a wonderful explanation that I actually agreed with after analyzing the poem myself (Click here to read the full analysis by Linda Sue Grimes). Basically she says that Emily Dickinson is calling out to her brother, Austin, to come into her everlasting world of poetry she has created. She feels safe in this world and she just wants Austin to experience it by reading it. I think Emily Dickinson does a wonderful job hiding this meaning within this beautiful metaphor.

So, a big part of Polish culture is literature and since I had the great pleasure of attending Polish school for about 12 years, I was able to take part in a wonderful yet arduous tradition of memorizing famous poems. Poems such as Adam Mickiewicz’s epic poem, Pan Tadeusz, or Jan Brzechwa’s silly and melodic children’s poems stuck with me throughout the years. I was certainly not a newcomer to memorizing poetry but I remember being very anxious when reciting Polish poems in front of classmates or the whole Polish school because Polish words, especially in poetry, are particularly hard to pronounce. Also, along with memorizing poetry for school, being a Catholic and attending Polish school, memorizing prayers was a must. 

I don’t remember ever needing to memorize anything for normal, American school; however, as I got older, public speaking tended to be important and memorizing presentations became a priority. My lack of practice with memorizing things in English caught up with me and I freeze whenever I must speak in front of anyone.

To help with memorizing the poem, I broke it into seven sections of two, essentially seven couplets, and decided to attack it couplet by couplet. Eventually, I had the first four lines and the last two memorized perfectly and only struggled with the middle eight lines. I came up with an interesting way to memorize the middle, which included a mnemonic sort of device; since the poem repeats a few words, I came up with a pattern and used it to aid me in memorizing the order of the words. For example, the fifth and sixth lines start with the words “never mind” and the seventh and ninth lines start with the word “here” and also, the twelfth line has the word “hear” which sounds like “here,” so I used that to my advantage as well. Using my technique, I had the poem memorized by the end of the day. Another technique that proved helpful for me was actually visualizing the poem, especially since the poem I chose was very vivid.

The memorization wasn’t as treacherous and time consuming as I thought it would be, and if my memory was better I would certainly consider memorizing more poems. 

Through memorizing this poem, I noticed the beauty in poetry and it gave me a change to read into a poem more than I ever would just glancing at it for class. It gave me a new appreciation for the complexity of poems and the talents of poets. Even though this process of memorizing and reciting is not something people would look forward to, I believe every class should require something of this sort. Since I have horrible memory, I feel like this activity almost helped me with my memory. Also, I think it's really cool that I have something stored in my head that I can recite if asked to. I definitely feel proud of myself and I didn't mess up when i recited it, even though I was so paranoid that I did. 

Memorize stuff! Be proud of yourself! It feels wonderful to get so close to a poem and feel what the poet felt when writing it.

We Are Not Immortal

With all the horrible things happening in the world today, one can sometimes get lost in the tragedy of others. We think of how horrible it is that whatever happened to them happened to them. We feel bad and pray for them, at least I do. Maybe some of us put ourselves in their shoes, maybe we don't.

When we were younger, teenagers, life was great wasn't it? Nothing could ever go wrong. You never got hurt. No one ever died. Nothing ever happened to you or your family or your friends. You were invincible... Until something actually did happened. Well, then it's time to grow up fast. That's when you learn that people die, people get hurt, and that could include you or your loved ones.

When I was younger, I knew about cancer and other terminal diseases and illnesses, but I never thought any of that would happen to anyone I knew. Until it did. The first time it did, I was too young to understand. But, the second time... The second time was a huge reality check. I was not invincible. If someone I love can get cancer, it can certainly happen to me or others I love.

The big thing people don't understand is something I mentioned above: when we were younger, we thought we were invincible. That's part of the reason why teenagers are so reckless, they don't understand this concept because they've never been exposed to it, until they are exposed to it.

I'm not saying I was reckless before, but I'm certainly too careful now. The world isn't safe, maybe it never was. But, that shouldn't stop us from living the one life we are given. This is something we forget also. We aren't immortal, but we should at least live life to its fullest whether we are terminally ill, wheelchair bound, differently abled, depressed, or completely healthy. I admire those that do even  in the midst of all this terrible stuff happening.

Spring is Here!

I planted some flowers!

I can't put up any pictures yet because dirt is just boring. But the flowers I hope will spring up are California Poppies and Coleus.

                              Poppy                                                                                                                                  Coleus

I hope they grow... I've had awful luck with flowers. They never grow for me. Ryan planted the Coleus and the Poppies are mine. I will sing to them and read them stories! Not really, but if that worked, I would definitely do it. I also want to plant watermelon and pumpkins but I think those are basically impossible for me to grow, so I'll stick to flowers for now..

I want to grow a flower garden and have tea in it! I will draw my vision one day and post it on here. This is my dream and it will happen. (:

In other news, I am taking a poetry class this quarter and I love it. I normally don't read or write poems plainly because I don't understand them but maybe that was just my lack of exposure and lack of learning about them. I have become slightly more familiar with poems since my last class on creative writing so I didn't come to this class totally unknowing. I'm hoping to learn more about poems and give my life more meaning basically by learning to express myself (through looking at other people's poetry) in a deeper way. - Definitely part of the bettering myself process.

I hope my flowers grow!

Poem 2

Another poem I wrote for an English class:

The House On Maureen Drive

On the night we arrived to the house on Maureen Drive
thunder struck every five minutes and rain showered down from above.
As a five year old who thought dinosaurs were still alive,
the sound made me clutch onto my mothers damp polka dot dress
every time the sky was illuminated.

A few years later this place became my home.
My room was my safe haven,
with white walls, a tiny Tweety bird covered bed,
an old Windows ’98 computer and Barbies scattered around
keeping me safe from the world outside.

Outside were familiar faces
who throughout the years became family.
Outside was the familiar street
which I walked down every day to the bus stop.
Outside was where I spent my time
playing pretend and tag and hide-and-seek with other children.

The house on Maureen Drive was nothing fancy,
one story ranch style with a two car garage,
beige siding and a large grassy backyard.
It became my home and when it was finally time to say goodbye
I barely looked back.

This one I was specifically proud of because I finally put into words my feelings about my childhood home. It was a place that I loved and I still miss it everyday. It's hard going back and I try to avoid it as much as possible, but it will forever be in my heart.

I Have My Old Job Back!

Two years ago I started working for a single mother and her 2 year old boy and I loved it. I slowly got let go this past winter because of my school workload and her change of job/ not needing me the days I was available. This was my first-ish job and I loved it. I made a lot of money and I was in a good environment watching a really sweet little boy who loved when I was over. When they stopped needing me, of course I was sad. It was a great job. I even tried getting other babysitting jobs and they were nothing like this one, I didn't feel as comfortable or accepted.

When I found out last week I was needed again, I felt wonderful! It's an exhausting job but it's totally worth it. Whenever I'd see kids around, I just wanted to talk to them and help them with stuff, that's how much I missed babysitting, so when I got news of this job, I was very happy.

Today was my first long day back (9.5 hours, didn't feel like it though) and it was wonderful. It's like this was what I was missing from my life. I don't have any siblings or anyone really to talk to and when I'm babysitting at this place, I feel like an older sister and a friend. They treat me very well and I feel comfortable. It works with my schedule so no added stress there and it'll work with my upcoming internship (that I still need to find..) because it's mainly Sundays.

I'm so lame for getting so excited over a job. But, it's nice to get out of the house and make some money since I am, of course, a poor college kid. (: Plus, it helps with my exposure to kids since I'm working towards a PhD in child clinical psychology (eventually), and I'm helping out a mother in need, so it makes me feel good about myself.

Long story short, I'm very happy that I have an opportunity to work back here again.